The Stories and Novels By Derek Ward
Just some turns of phrase recently that I want to chronicle. First from the day job.
Colleague: This is the best acronym for a group ever – Monitoring and Analytics Governance, Integration, and Consolidation (MAGIC)!
Me: Would their meetings be called MAGIC: The Gathering?
This was uttered after watching some truly astounding traffic antics.
Me: If you make me use my tourniquet because you’re a fucking moron, I’m going to be a mite bit annoyed.
Last week, I got the call offering me a new position. The job is pretty much what I’m already doing, but with an expanded scope. Plus, I’m going to be essentially building a program up. It’s going to be interesting work. Even better, they don’t have physical space for me, so I get to continue my full-time telework. However, the transition looks like it’s going to make a hectic month. Particularly as I try to figure out who can absorb my duties. Particularly since my team is losing another senior person at the same time. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Over the weekend, The Wife, MIL, Mom, The Brother, and me drove down to see family in Okeechobee. We don’t get down there as much as we would like, but we have some relatives on my dad’s side we like chatting with and visiting. We had to go a different route than normal, which meant going through Yeehaw Junction. The Wife hadn’t been that way, and hadn’t seen the Desert Inn. It’s pretty much dilapidated these days, but I have memories of waiting in that parking lot with a broken down van. Anyways, we had a good visit with lunch at a local place called Lightsey’s. If you’re in Okeechobee, it’s a great spot for fish.
I understand the concerns about having a lot of “smart” devices in the home. The denizens of Ward Manor have decided the benefits outweigh the risks/costs. We try to have some dumb stuff available if the internet goes down.
One thing we have a bunch of are Kasa smart plugs. Also, the carriage lights are also Kasa. Normally, they’re used mostly when the Christmas decorations go up so we can use routines for turning lights on and off. But we do have a couple of “daily use” items on the plugs. For the second time, all of these stopped talking to the network. The only remedy I’ve found is rebooting the router. Which impacts everything else. So, it’s finding a five minute period no one is needing any other smart item to reboot. Then, there’s the worry as the router comes back up that something is going wrong.
These are the times I want to rip everything out. Which generally goes away after a week as I see the benefits of my various devices.
Well, in just over a year, the Ward Wagon is paid off. Last week, we sent off the payoff check to the bank. This is a good thing as there is a chance we might be in the market for a second vehicle.
Speaking of the new job, we are in a holding pattern. I know I made it on to the list of qualified candidates (according to HR), but we are waiting to hear about interviews. Since it’s also getting to the end of the fiscal year for the federal government – and the job is under the finance chief – that may delay things. One of my colleagues tried to cheer me up by reminding me that I’m in such a niche job, I may be the only qualified candidate and I’m just waiting to hear back from HR. This is not nearly as comforting as it introduced another outcome that is entirely on dependent on HR’s ability to communicate. And I’m not all that trusting of their ability to communicate.
Last weekend, The Wife and I went down and did our TSA Pre-Check stuff. Even if I don’t get the new position, I’m looking at flying at least twice in the next year. Not having to do the unloading of all the electronics I normally carry is worth the cost of time and money. The Wife I was surprised that I was fine with getting fingerprinted and my picture taken. Hell, I’ve had to do that with my CWP and my job. While I dislike the whole concept, it’s not like I’m avoiding being in a database somewhere. The location was interesting – a cubicle inside a Staples. At least it wasn’t a federal building, which means I didn’t need to change my EDC. I’m also really good at doing a “neutral face” for official pictures. And apparently you just get a code you get to enter when making plane reservations. Now to find out if my booking software at work will take the code.
Labor Day weekend has special significance for The Wife and me. We had our first date on the Sunday before Labor Day back in 2017. Previously, we have gone back to the same restaurant, but this year that wasn’t possible.
Saturday The Wife and I trekked down to Fort Meyers. A coworker of The Wife was in a local theater production of Willy Wonka. Overall, we enjoyed it, but we got done sooner than we anticipated. After discussion, we decided to trek back up and go to an Indian restaurant we’ve been looking to try for months. A restaurant we were originally planning on going for our birthdays. It didn’t disappoint. If you’re in the Bradenton/Sarasota area, we recommend Tandoor on University.
Sunday, BIL and SIL came over. The Wife and SIL needed to do some crafty stuff for SIL’s work. While they were doing that, BIL and I took the opportunity to clean some of our guns. I am trying to field strip, clean, oil, and replace batteries on my sidearm and home defense rifle every six months. I also took down my latest acquisition – the S&W FSC (which I still haven’t put rounds through).
Monday, I trekked up to The Brother’s place to help him put together a new bookcase for his boardgames. He also learned the fun of vacuum storage bags. For my help, The Brother purchased me these shells that would essentially allow me to use a AA battery for a D or C cell battery. I don’t have many items that run on D’s or C’s, which would mean I could use these to streamline my inventory. I’ll talk more when they show up.
The hurricane passed well north and west of Ward Manor. Lights didn’t even flicker. The only weird thing was Hulu saying it was “off the air.” Like I said, weird.
We did get lots of rain. Which means the backyard might go from brown back to green. For a few days.
Now to pull everything back out.
Last weekend we celebrated my niece’s sixteenth birthday. Damn. Long days and short years indeed. Still, it was a good chance to catch up with that side of the family. I also find it amusing that the youngins are picking up crocheting. Which does give The Wife and my niece something to discuss. Plus, the niece was quite pleased when The Wife and MIL sent over a large bag of their excess yarn and hooks.
Last Sunday The Wife, BIL, SIL, and SIL’s friend – and me – went out on a boat excursion. Obstensibly the goal was to see dolphins and manatees. We caught a glimpse of a couple of dolphins, but no manatees. Wendell must have been having a company-wide meeting. We did see some spectacular coastal homes. We also found out that the captain’s wife works at The Wife’s old company. As The Wife puts it “insurance is a small world.”
I am applying for a new position. Nothing wrong with my current one, it’s just this is a really good opportunity for someone of my experience and skill set. So much of a good opportunity that I had no less than seven colleagues make sure that I was aware of the opening. I take that as a professional compliment. It’s been interesting because I haven’t had to apply for a position in probably thirteen years. And writing resumes for the .gov is not like doing one for the private sector. It’s also a big change, which brings up some irrational anxiety. Mostly irrational because I’m already doing part of the new position already (and have been for about five years now). Yet, I’ve been in the same job for the last thirteen years. I’ve made it my own, and that’s hard to leave. I also love my work team, which I would hate to leave. But it’s too good of an opportunity. It’s also most likely going to require some time in the office, which means we many need to acquire another Ward Wagon.
The clowder was very disturbed last Saturday when we did some furniture shuffling. MIL wanted to rearrange her room to give her more space – as well as lay down a new rug. Overall, the shifting went relatively easy. Unfortunately, it was a bit on the traumatic side for our tiny vampire cat who pretty much lives under MIL’s bed. She was scampering all through the house looking for a new place to avoid humans. Fortunately, TVC was more or less back to normal.
Sunday was spent with my family where we received some happy news (that I can’t share yet). However, since The Brother still has a bum leg, it meant The Wife and I had to pick him up and take him over to Mom’s. While we were waiting for dinner to cook, The Wife and I shot down to the 5.11 store. I wanted a new kilt for some upcoming adventures, and none of my current ones fit. Yes, I know. I’m working on that. We get to the store and are informed that there’s a big clearance sale going on – including kilts! We definitely spent more than we expected, but it was a successful raid. On the way home, The Brother commented that my main playlist was like listening to three people fight over the remote. Yeah, it’s a bit eclectic.
Tuesday we took Boo to the kitty cardiologist. He’s got some heart disease and some deformities in his heart – not unusual for a sphinx. That’s the bad news. The good news is that it’s not an immediate issue. So, we’re now on monitor and enjoy our little kitty. And somehow get it through his little head he’s not allowed on the counters.
Over the weekend, The Wife and I helped move The Wife’s Niece’s workstation back to the niece’s apartment. Thus endeth having a third teleworker and a toddler at Ward Manor during the week. We also transported over the big Barbie playset. The good news is that we got her all set up – and I got rid of some items I no longer needed to help her out. We were glad to help the niece with the transition to working from home – and really glad that the transition is now fully complete. The clowder is immensely grateful.
My writers block for my humorous speech has mostly gone. I’ve got most of it written. Although The Wife and I are competing against each other, we also need to practice and work with each other on editing/improving. It’s an odd dynamic. Of course, I’ll post my entry after the contest.